Beth's Journal

birthday birthday birthday birthday birthday birthday

...My third motto

According to the Sims 3 website the release date has changed AGAIN, but this time it's been moved forward. It doesn't matter how soon it is though, I'll only be able to play it when I have a computer powerful enough (thanks to Dan!). Hopefully it won't be long before people start making custom content and maybe there'll be a modthesims3...?

I'm having problems with the time in the game again. After struggling to find anyone else with the same issue it seems that no one has found a solution. At the moment I'm using the official tech support site but after updating the video and sound drivers and downloading all the available patches there's been no change. I'm hoping though, that by updating my drivers I may have inadvertently solved my other Sims 2 problem where the game crashes in full screen mode. I'm going to try it out and see if it's safe to run the game in full screen again.

Going through my pictures, I found these snapshots of internet stupidity which made me laugh enough to take a screenie:



Just to explain myself, I think I was searching 'Russian workers' on Google for History A Level and found the end one, then tried out some other searches just to see if it came up. I'd be very interested to know what 'sick' is in terms of automation...



This last one I called 'Vodaphone brand epilepsy'. It might be too small to see but there were 4 flashing adverts on those 2 pages.

Blah blah problems with stuff...

I wonder if I'll ever go somewhere sunny abroad so I can put up pictures of me and all my friends looking really tanned and beautiful in my bikini on Facebook. 
I've said it before and I'll probably say it again- I know that I'm not the kind of person who enjoys going out all the time or going to parties etc. and it's stupid to be jealous of how other people look or dress. The trouble is, I still feel bad compared to everyone else- I just don't have the money that other people seem to to pay for all this stuff. 

Not sure if I've ever mentioned it on here before but whenever I looked at myself in the mirror and felt sad that I wasn't very pretty I hoped that as I grew up I would get better- maybe grow in to my looks or something. Awhile ago that finally happened a little bit. I looked in the mirror and thought I didn't look all that bad but that's the trouble with Facebook- it lets you compare yourself with everyone else. You can see the people you used to go to school with and how much they've grown and changed. All of the girls I added from Crofton or Darrick Wood look amazing now, not that they didn't look pretty when I knew them though. I can see that I've changed a lot too, but I'm not as pretty as them still. Hopefully it's not too late for that to still happen.

The issue of career has cropped up again. There's not much to say about it other than hopefully one day I'll figure out what I want to do, and hopefully it'll be before everyone else I know has already run off to university or got their dream job. I'm torn between not being all that bothered about a career because there's more to life than work and not wanting to be working in a shop while my friends and people from school are earning millions. Plus, it would be quite nice to have a job I really love.

Anyway, at the moment that's the last thing on my list of things to worry about. Everything's all being going on at once recently- family, work, health (times 4) and OCD. I hope at leased one lets up so I can relax a little bit.

Who's up for a rave in Ibiza?

Ahoy-hoy

I was looking on t'internet today and as it's Barbie's birthday today I was reading about her and this made me laugh:

In 1993 a group in the United States calling itself the "Barbie Liberation Organization" modified Barbie dolls by giving them the voice box of a talking G.I. Joe doll, and secretly returned the dolls to the shelves of toy stores. Parents and children were surprised when they purchased Barbie dolls that uttered phrases such as "Eat lead, Cobra!" and "Vengeance is mine."

Here it says they also put Barbie's voice box into G.I. Joe. It reminded me of the part in 'Lisa vs. Malibu Stacey' where the girl's Malibu Stacey doll has Spiderman's voice ^_^.

Just thinking, how the hell do birds fly?

Oh and Lost is on in like 15 minutes!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH......................I'M SO ANGRY!!

You don't have to listen to me rant on about the worlds' injustices like my parents did. That wasn't even what I was mad about in the first place.

I hate sale shoppers so much. What is it about a sale that makes everyone in such a hurry- such a hurry that they don't have time to put things away in the place they found it? Why is everyone a notch ruder and a lot greedier? Why do people feel the need to grab a wad of the same card...twice...a handful of the same pens and bunch of other stuff, put it in a basket and leave it for us to put away? Oh and Mrs. Business Card Holder- you weren't in the right and you got a £20 product for £6 because we were too tired to argue so I hope you're freaking well happy.

and why is my internet reconnecting all the time??

People annoy me
I annoy me

Dan and I went to London the other day and had a look in Schuh where I found my perfect pair shoes:



The cherries even have lil' faces on them ^_^. Irregular Choice do loads of cool shoes, like Rocketdog and Babycham but (a) I don't want to spend all that money and (b) I don't have anything to wear them with. I'll just add it to my collection of pictures of cool things ^_^.

I haven't had much to say over the last however many months, but that doesn't mean I haven't been thinking about anything. It's kinda hard to concentrate while listening to Basement Jaxx but I'll try >.<

Right now I'm feeling a bit left out again- in the same way I did when school ended and I realised just how much I hadn't been involved in. I still don't think I'm the kind of person who can have loads of friends and hang out with people all the time- and it's not like I'd really want to do all the stuff I feel excluded from. But I still can't help feeling that way.

It kind of links in with the future as well which I don't want to think about but will briefly mention before sweeping it back under the carpet. It's great that people have dreams and goals and crap but just as single people often look on couples with resentment, I don't want to hear about what people will be doing in future because I still don't know yet. It may seem selfish or childish (but I don't care) but I really don't want any more of my friends to go to university. I hate it whenever people talk about it because yay for them growing up and having fun and everything but...whatever, I guess I can't stay in this weird dimension I've been living in where I've never been a teenager but am also not an adult.

I tried very hard to find ideas of what I could do after school. I thought I'd managed to get through the 'fog of disheartedness' when I got interested in massage therapy, but before I could even write it on my CV that idea went to hell. I don't want to go through all the options and courses and careers I don't care about again, so ever since I arrived back in square 1 I've had my head in the sand. I don't really want to talk or think about the Parchment supervisor-thing until everything gets set in motion as I'm scared that I won't be able to handle it. But I guess short term plans are to see where that goes and how long I can keep it going.

At the same time as not being fussed about career being the centre of the universe, I kind of still want to do something interesting (freaking hell the spell check on this thing is terrible) and be someone really cool. I have such a vivid imagination but not enough of whatever it is that I need to fill in the gaps, bring everything together and actually do it.

I really don't know. I agree with someone else in that I never really thought about being an adult because I didn't think that would happen. Being a creature of habit, I focused on the present and enjoyed the routine of childhood so everything post GCSE has been completly daunting. I kind of like living in this strange Beth-shaped bubble, but from inside a bubble it's hard to stop yourself floating away.

Hmm. I feel just as confused as I did an hour ago. Plus I've been sitting here for ages, so I'm gonna continue sitting here but do something different.

Oh yeah and it's been Christmas which was cool.

This morning I made myself a list of things to do, and one of them was to finish my CV. I've been procrastinating most of the day despite doing other constructive things, but whenever I start to think about it I get all depressed and despondent. Having said that though, it is mostly done- there's just some things that need tweaking and checking because I'm no expert on these things. The part that gets me is the 'interests' bit and the thought of what I have to do once it's all completed. I got my job mostly by accident and did nothing myself to get it apart from going to the interview- so I still have virtually no experience in getting jobs and I'm too afraid and embarrassed to ask for help with any of it.

I have to face up to it very soon though because tomorrow is my last day at CEX. Despite my anxieties about the future I know this is the right thing to do- I can't stay there any longer especially since the refit and I have to remind myself of all the stuff I'm not going to miss (and it's a lot!) which makes me feel relieved. The main thing I'll miss though is the people, because I don't think there are many other jobs out there where the staff are all so friendly with each other. 

Life isn't designed for people who don't like change so I have no choice but to roll with it. Hopefully I'll work out what I want to do with myself though. Let's not forget the main point though......I'M LEAVING CEX!! *dances*.

She seemed to live in a happy world of her own, only venturing out to meet the few whom she trusted and loved.

OMG!

I'm ill but it's totally worth it. I just had the most amazing few days- finally got me a Pocky bag (and pocky) from Camden, saw the Clone Wars and went to Ed's Diner which was cool because it's just like on TV and in Sims ^_^. The best part though was doing all of it with Dan..... I think I'm about to explode.

Hmm... I seem to have had a lot on my mind this week. In some ways it's been bothering me because by the end of the week I just wanted to cry, but I didn't really know what it actually was.

I know that one of the things was Mark. Since I saw him in Bromley, I've thought about him now and then (and now) but things have changed. I no longer think about him as 'Mark, the guy I was in love with who broke my heart' but more as 'Mark, the guy who screws everyone over, Welfare' ..... or Mark 'the cock' Welfare for short.

It's been about 10 months now, and I'm finally feeling like I've actually moved on from it. It's been very gradual, but I don't get flashbacks to that night anymore, and when I do think about it I don't feel as 'RAAAAAWWWWRRRGH' as I used to. I'm not even angry anymore that he got away with it and doesn't feel bad. It's mainly a sense of relief.

Another thing was worry. Even though there are a lot of people I know who I love and care about there are mainly 2 who I really really worry about. I guess that's just something you have to deal with when you feel so strongly about someone. It's just frustrating that I either don't know what to do to help them or can't do anything.

OR maybe it's just all down to women's problems......or lack thereof *rolls eyes* ¬_¬.

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWRRRRRRGHHHHH     >.<

I don't even know.

oooh lookit me I'm breaking with tradition and posting on a Monday rather than a Tuesday......I just noticed I seem to do that =S lol.

Mum and dad got the new Argos catalogue the other day, probably just because mum loves it when I go 'OOOH!' when she gives me a new catalogue or TV paper ^_^.  Anyway,  I found  these UBER COOL CUPCAKE EARINGS!



I don't care if they're in the children's jewellery section ¬_¬ they're still UBER KAWAII.

Omg, that advert is still on here 'Why are you fat? Parasites are living inside you. See the shocking proof.' Ok, I'm gonna have a look see at this shocking proof....... OK well apparently this lady says she's identified 'several species of parasites and a specific type of goopy plaque that if left in your bowels makes you fat, bloated, developing a pouch and spare-tire belly – and which also is directly linked to 99.9% of ALL diseases'. However, because she's apparently taking money away from the rich.....(?) people don't want to hear about her dramatic new discovery even though she's developed a NATURAL and INSTANT remedy (you have to shout those bits).

M'oh well.

I'm so badly going to kick myself up the arse (......arse is not a typo mr livejournal) ..... (and neither is livejournal!!! >.<) so that I move on with my job and career-type stuff. I'm kinda nervous (how come 'arse' is a typo but 'kinda' isn't?) because I've never really done anything like this before so I don't know how it works. Getting a job at CeX was sort of an accident because I didn't set out to apply there (thanks Jo! ^_^ ooh and Robin too).

Even if I do have a relationship with someone I'm determined not to slip into my old habits. I want to do whatever I can to help him with stuff and not have to rely on someone to look after me again. I really care about this guy and I have to take care of myself so that he doesn't have to worry about my crap too. ARGH FLY! I'm sure things will be fine. I guess it would be a good idea to be more open and honest with my parents about things so that it gets nipped before it gets worse. I'm finally off my tablets now, but despite what I've been saying to everyone, I'm not 100% sure that it's all fine and behind me. Maybe it's something I'll always have to deal with, but I can't stay on medication forever, so I'll have to kick myself up the arse about that too.

TTFN ....... (I've never said that before, ever).

..........as I'm writing this there's a list of Google ads and the second one says:

"Fat? You have parasites. Living inside "you" making you fat! Don't believe it? See it for real."

......I kid you not. That's almost as good as the ones I found while I was generally Googling awhile ago:

"Russian Workers. Great deals on Russian workers. Shop on eBay and save!"

"Chronic Illnesses. Find chronic illnesses! Buy Chronic illnesses on eBay."

Anyway. Hmm I was going to ramble on about some stuff I'm worrying about but you know what, I'm not even sure I care right now. Plus it means the F Word has to stay on longer ¬_¬. I really can't watch Janet Street Porter try to convince me to eat veal- ja, saying to little kids 'we're gonna take these ones to the slaughter house now' is going to make them want to eat the baby cows ¬_¬.

ok well, byee for now....I'll probably decide to do some ramblin' later.

OMG Emotion Eric updated his site after like 2 years! .....but only to add an adventure =\

Elsewhere, I'm not really sure what to do about my feelings for someone- that's the main thing that's going on right now. The more things develop and get closer to him finding out the more it feels like I'm about to get hurt. I just wish I knew how he felt before I put myself out there >.< Tbh though I have to do something about it, it's so hard to concentrate at work now and it'll drive me crazy!

The REALLY gay thing is that the combination of me worrying about him not wanting to go out with me and coming off my tablets means my OCD is creeping in again. I've already refused CBT therapy again so once my dose is reduced for the last time I'll be pretty much on my own and there isn't really anyone I can talk to about it anymore. I used to tell Mark everything about it and no one else but there's no one I'm that close to who I could go into depressing detail with.

It's usually possible to handle, but this whole situation recently makes it harder- like just today I found myself washing my hands again because I suddenly thought that if I didn't then things wouldn't work out with him. Putting it like that it does sound weird but at the time it feels like I really can't take that chance- and if things don't work out I'll think it was because of that and I'll regret not doing something so simple.

My feelings for him are really strong though, so much so that it's sometimes hard to bare >.< I don't really like that feeling you get when you're really excited about something and it feels like alcohol or electricity going through all your veins at once. It would help if I knew what to do about it!!!! >.<!!

Grr, I guess I just have to deal with it, huh? And in the mean time it's so great hanging out with him ^_^.

AH-hahahaaaaaa...!.....ggrrrrrrrrrrr >.<  it's so funny, I was padme and he was darth vader....hahahahahah!......I guess now all that's left is for me to lose the will to live and die. And I'm not even lucky enough to be having his twins. MAN! >.<

I was reluctant to watch Indy 4 as I've yet to be proven wrong that all comeback films are crap, but Jo reminded me that it was put together by George Lucas and Steven Spielberg so I trusted that it would actually be good. Unfortunatly I should've stuck to my original instinct >.< .

Yey:

• I liked the quicksand scene with the snake- that was funny and not so much of a crappy obvious reference
• Cate Blanchette was cool as a Russian crazy lady but the film didn't really go into her facination with psychological warfare
• Shia was good as Mutt- that could've been a disaster waiting to happen but he pulled it off
• The 'I have a bad feeling about this' Star Wars reference
• I liked the atomic bomb and the fake village- wasn't really necessary but it was very cool (but wouldn't he have radiation poisoning? a quick scrub down in a military base wouldn't stop him getting cancer, surely?)

Ney:

• ......aliens.....? Fair enough, having Roswell references at the beginning as it was set in the 50s (even though the whole Roswell incident specifically was only brought up twice, despite the whole beginning of the film being about them trying to find the alien...) but it's not Indiana Jones. I know the other films took well known historical myths and added their own ending to them, but this was too much. There are people who believe that ancient civilisations had alien influence because they were so incredibly advanced, but I was hoping there would be a more intelligent conclusion to it in the film. All it really was, was an alien space ship coming out of the ground- it didn't even explore the link to the development of South American civilisation.
  
• I didn't like working out the clues as Indy was working them out- I prefer him being one step ahead with all his PhD knowledge
• I would've preferred it to start with a cool mission to rescue an artefact or something like the original films
  
• The references to the other films were wheeeey too obvious- I like that kind of thing to be subtle, that makes you smile to yourself because you have a be a fan to see it. 
• It would've been better to approach it as another regular Indy film, not a comeback film- that could've prevented all the stuff above
• Sometimes it's tempting to revive an old classic and extend the story, but 9 times out of 10 it's disappointing and should've been left in the wrapping under the tree
• Plus it wasn't necessary to add to the story line- the original trilogy didn't have a big overarching story that made it necessary to make a 4th film and have Indy find his son and Marion and get married
  
• I missed muscly, hunky Indy- I would've been the girl in the front of his lecture with I LOVE YOU on my eyes! I'd rather have left it was it was and not see him all old and a dad

*Calculating opinion*

Interesting idea for a sci-fi film, but not an Indiana Jones film. There are loads of other possible storylines they could've come up with that would be better than the aliens.........ALIENS? .....oh my.....